Open letter to anyone who uses the words "us" or "them":
Please know that I am first addressing this letter to myself. I am guilty of saying "us" and "them" as much as anyone else - and it is toxic. This sort of mentality is everything that is wrong with the world today. It doesn't have to be in an overt "we hate everyone else, we are ISIS" kind of way. It can be in a #blacklivesmatter kind of way that is intended to create awareness of the disenfranchisement of a specific group but, unfortunately, results in a backlash of misunderstanding that argues that #everylifematters. It can be in a #lovewins kind of way when you don't really mean "everyone deserves to be loved," and you actually mean "screw you, we got what we wanted." It can be in a "the church loves everyone" kind of way when you are just setting up for the "but we don't approve of what you do" judgment that follows.
Just so you don't think I am paying lip service to being a major offender of this "us" and "them" phenomenon, let me share with you the extent of my dissociation with both parties of the ugliness that has transpired over the last few weeks:
"THEM #1" To the Ultraconservative who says gay marriage is an abomination - I think gay marriage should be legal. The "sanctity of marriage" argument (a.k.a. "the Church defines marriage argument") went out the window when there was no outrage over the divorce rate or people getting "illegally" remarried outside the church, and we chose gay marriage as the time to send letters and protest and post on Facebook and overall lose our minds over something that does not affect us in any way. The "what if they make us do it in the church" fear mongering has no foundation or legal precedent. We will be required to marry gay people no sooner than we will be required to marry a Jewish couple, who has the same constitutional right to marry. Which brings me to ...
"THEM #2" To the Ultraliberal who says that gay marriage is exactly the same as the Sacramental Union between a man and a woman - I have wrestled with this question for years, and for the sake of love and inclusivity, I want to say "yeah, ok, why not? Let them get married. It's no big deal." I can't do it. I'm sorry. You can get married in a court. You can have the same legal rights in the eye of the government. I still love you the same, as a person. I still respect you the same, as a couple. Unfortunately, from a theological standpoint, and from a Christian anthropological standpoint, I cannot see any precedent in the Bible or Church Tradition that supports same sex marriage. "Things change." Yes, some things do. Biology does not. Two men and two women still can't reproduce naturally. This is not a matter of fairness, it's a matter of fact. I understand that the Episcopal Church has already accepted gay marriage and there is a request that the Roman Catholic Church do the same. I would love to hear more discussion on this, but ultimately I cannot see this being flexible.
Forgiving each other is the start of unity. Saying "I don't agree with you but I love you and respect you" is a prerequisite for progress. Forgiveness is the seed. The fruitful tree is Radical Unity, which will come with many years of ongoing forgiveness and after much discomfort in being unified with "them." People prefer the "mirage of unity," which has all the comforts of general anesthesia, over the extreme initial discomfort of waking up from surgery in severe pain, but is really the start of the road to recovery towards Radical Unity. For example, people want feel "unified" with their fellow members of the Coptic Church by brushing aside major internal theological disagreements on Theosis, Original Sin, etc. rather than come to grips with the fact that we have within our ranks people that are "kind of sort of Eastern Orthodox" in full communion with people that are "kind of sort of Catholic" in full communion with people that are "kind of sort of Evangelical Protestant." Rather than enter into the uncomfortable discussion of "what do we really believe?" we dismiss everyone that disagrees with us, whether they are in or out of the church, as a heretic. This kind of approach didn't work in 451, it didn't work in 1054, and it will not work in 2015. We must embrace Radical Unity as a way of saying "I disagree with you on some things but we agree on something things that are really meaningful and 'whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—[let us] meditate on these things'" (Phil 4:8).
How can that be possible and how does that make any sense?! How can we be in communion with another faith with which we disagree on major dogmatic issues?! Like I said, we disagree more internally than we do externally. To say it differently, one individual member of the church (laity or clergy, novice or theologian, take your pick) is equally likely to agree with someone outside of the church, as with someone inside the church. Should we stop all liturgies until this is sorted out? Maybe we should, if you think dogma is more important than unity. I suggest that we keep praying liturgies, we keep taking communion, and we keep working toward Radical Unity. Ultimately, I do not think we will unify with the other apostolic churches based on unification of theology or dogma. We will unify based on our commitment to unity for its own sake and work out the details later. The theological and dogmatic disagreements will continue to exist in the Unified Church in the same way they do in the current Coptic Church, and the Holy Spirit will continue to guide the Mind of the Church as it has for two thousand years.
Ok so that means we just let everyone in off the street and anyone can take communion?! No, I didn't say that. Why would someone even want to take communion if they don't really believe it is the Body and Blood of Christ the same way we do? Unity with Protestant Churches is not off the table, but our understanding of the Eucharist must be unified in order for us to be technically "In Communion" with each other. How is that still Radical Unity? Because we are unified in the Creed. We do not need to be in full Communion with each other to love and respect each other in the spirit of Radical Unity. The crucial element is that we focus on where we agree while we maintain healthy boundaries in the places where we disagree.
What about non-Christians? What about atheists? What about Satan worshippers? We need to find a common ground. We need to start with love and respect. We need to say "we are all human and whether you love Him or not, I believe that God loves you." This brings me back to our initial discussion of gay marriage - it just doesn't matter. The crusade for it is a reaction to feeling unloved, and the crusade against it is a spiritual warfare that is intended to create disunity. Let us rise above the disunity in faith and be convinced that for all mankind "neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39) - that is, of course, unless you believe the heresy that God only loves Christians or that He loves us more.
Antifragility is a concept developed and popularized by Nassim Taleb and, briefly, is an idea that as the opposite of "positive" is not "zero," the opposite of "fragile" is not "sturdy/robust." We don't have a word in any language that expresses the property that something gets stronger the more that you beat it up. He makes a very convincing argument that in medicine, business and life in general we need to design systems to be "antifragile" so that they don't just withstand the natural entropy and uncertainty of the universe but are strengthened by it.
Radical Unity is Antifragile. I stated earlier that I feel that I am stuck in the middle between two warring parties, empathizing with both but agreeing with neither. How do I reconcile that? By choosing unity over disagreement. By saying I love you even though I disagree with you, and I love you enough to say "I am you, and you are me, and we are one, even though we disagree." Note the difference between this and the formation of factions that happens with the "we disagree with them" mentality that we see everywhere these days. That "us" and "them" mentality is very fragile and is, in fact, actively destructive. In contrast, Radical Unity is antifragile in that I can say "you can say whatever you want, but I can still love you, and I am committed to finding a common ground." Isn't this what Christ did? Did He not find any excuse to find any common ground? Did He not break down every social, political, and religious barrier between Himself and the Samaritan woman? Why are we afraid to be like Him?
Forgive me for offending you if I have. If this is nonsense to you, please suffer me as the fool that I am, praying for my weakness and lack of understanding. If this does happen to make sense to you, then please pray with me for Radical Unity. May God guide us all to be united in His Love.
In Christ,
A Christian of the Orthodox Church
