First we must know who we are. If I don't know who I am then how do I know whom I should be looking for? If I am making a puzzle and I am trying to find two matching pieces what makes more sense: 1) looking randomly through the box, or 2) holding a piece in your hand and carefully checking all the pieces to see if they fit? You don't necessarily need to force the pieces together to make sure they don't fit but even holding two pieces up next to each other should make it easy enough to determine incompatibility. So the first point is to know what your puzzle piece looks like and to keep it close at hand in the process.
Next we must know what attributes we have that are important to our identity. At any one moment we can think of 100 different nouns and adjectives that we can use to describe ourselves, but my question is which of these things really defines who you are? You are holding the puzzle piece and looking at the other pieces, but what are the cues that you are using to find a match? Is it the shape, is it the color, is it the pattern? What is it about the adjacent piece that you think will be so important to help you find "the one?" Being quite deliberate, albeit flexible, about these inclusion and exclusion criteria will make it easier to spot the right person when he or she comes along.
The next point is to know that it's not "one person out there" but rather many people that could potentially work if you are both committed to the process. Even the corner piece in any puzzle has two possible mates. Yes it's not just anyone that could work for you but it's statistically impossible for anyone to ever be in a happy marriage if it were only one possible person that God was expecting you to find. Then you say "yes but God can do the impossible" to which I respond "yes that is why I am still happily married even though I am such a pain." Marriage is hard. It takes effort. Love is a commitment not an emotion. Many of the core values of a strong marriage have deep implications in how we look for a mate but surprisingly they often lead us to realize that we often place too much emphasis on what attributes the other person has that we find acceptable when in fact we should be more concerned about what attributes the other person has that will help us grow. The goal of marriage is not to find the perfect person but to be perfected together in God's love.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, is the friendly reminder that you are not looking for your clone. We want someone who is compatible not someone who is identical. Sorry to keep beating this puzzle piece thing into the ground, but this is probably the most obvious part of the analogy - the two interlocking puzzle pieces cannot be exactly the same. If I buy two identical puzzles and find two identical pieces that may give me a "match" but not the kind of match I'm looking for. It takes a great deal of introspection and discernment to know how much similarity you are looking for in a mate, but your self-evaluation may lead you to realize that you are looking for someone completely different from yourself. In any case no matter how similar he may be he must be different enough to be complementary. In a good marriage we are constantly learning from our spouse - how is that possible if our spouse shares not just the same strengths but also the same weaknesses?
In the end, finding a spouse is such a complex process that no contemplation, advice, book, or even personal experience can make it easy. Know yourself. Know what matters to you. Know that there is no perfect person out there. Know that your differences may be as important as your similarities. Trust in God that if you are with God then you will find someone in God. And when you do find someone then cleave to them, and bind yourselves so tightly to each other, with God as the glue, that when people look they no longer see two puzzle pieces but one.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, is the friendly reminder that you are not looking for your clone. We want someone who is compatible not someone who is identical. Sorry to keep beating this puzzle piece thing into the ground, but this is probably the most obvious part of the analogy - the two interlocking puzzle pieces cannot be exactly the same. If I buy two identical puzzles and find two identical pieces that may give me a "match" but not the kind of match I'm looking for. It takes a great deal of introspection and discernment to know how much similarity you are looking for in a mate, but your self-evaluation may lead you to realize that you are looking for someone completely different from yourself. In any case no matter how similar he may be he must be different enough to be complementary. In a good marriage we are constantly learning from our spouse - how is that possible if our spouse shares not just the same strengths but also the same weaknesses?
In the end, finding a spouse is such a complex process that no contemplation, advice, book, or even personal experience can make it easy. Know yourself. Know what matters to you. Know that there is no perfect person out there. Know that your differences may be as important as your similarities. Trust in God that if you are with God then you will find someone in God. And when you do find someone then cleave to them, and bind yourselves so tightly to each other, with God as the glue, that when people look they no longer see two puzzle pieces but one.
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